I've sort of "soft-pedaled" This whole job thing with you
For the last Couple months.
Because i know How annoying it is
When i bring up The subject of employment.
This is what i mean About the coffee.
You have a cup of coffee And then you want to talk
And uh... That's not Necessarily good for me.
But i thought it Was a good time
For you to re-visit The whole notion of...
What do they call it ? "Growing up", yes !
Those are the words I'm looking for, because...
You don't Quite understand
Where i'm At right now.
I guess not.
I'm like an Empty vessel.
Yeah.
I am ready To explore,
But i have yet To find the right...
Crew ?
Crew.
I found a crew--
Yeah, not The right one ?
And they all got scurvy.
So we had to cancel That little mission.
I think what you're Demonstrating, ben
Is a real... Self knowledge.
Uh-huh.
But just like The caterpillar...
Weaves it's cocoon.
Yeah ?
You have Weaved a cocoon.
And... I think.
That you're Ready to, uh...
To break free of The confines of the cocoon--
And become the Big, fat butterfly that--
I was thinking of A gypsy moth.
That's not nice.
Better than A dung beetle.
Ha, ha, ha !
See the Problem is,
You're waiting for Something to happen.
You have to go out there And make something happen.
Waiting ? What Are you kidding ?
You are like a "Catalyst-ic" agent In chemistry.
In chemistry they teach you That nothing will happen.
There is no Chemical process
Until you put in The catalyst.
You need to be That catalyst.
But i'll tell You something,
Every action has an equal And negative reaction.
Yeah.
So, if you Don't act,
Then nothing Negative happens.
You're talking Physics, now.
Well, i want to Change the subject.
You're matching me Science for science.
That's correct.
Okay, how about biology ?
I will kill you
If you don't get out Of this house, you slug !
The slug is a very Resilient creature.
You know what A slug needs,
Not unlike yourself ?
Is a swift kick In the ass, my friend.
Slugs have asses !?
Oh, no !
I guess it's true, that slug Does have to go, right ?
Of course, Everybody's gotta go.
You're damn right.
In fact !
Me first !
Check, please !
Race you to it !
Man, the coffee does Get you going, though,
All over the place.
I wonder what people Used to do before coffee.
If they were Just constipated ?
No, kidding.
I gotta get A diaper on.
What, that's Not a diaper ?!
Ha ! No !
What is that ?
They're just a little Too big for me, that's all.
Hey, little Miss sunshine.
Hi, dr. Katz.
How much coffee Have you had ?
Uh... Pick a number Between 1 and 10 !
3.
Go up.
4 ?
A little to the left.
I've had a lot, A lot of coffee.
You know what "Circadian rhythms" are ?
Yes.
You go like this-- ( Making rhythmic sounds )
I'm gonna start And you go-- "sssssk"
No, and i'll go-- Ssssk-- no.
Umm, big family.
Yeah.
How many kids ?
8 kids In my family.
And you are The middle child ?
Yeah, fourth Out of eight.
Which is... Kinda...
You get kinda lost in the Shuffle sometimes, you know.
We had to wear name tags At thanksgiving dinner.
My dad, He'd be like,
"So, how ya Doing there...
... Brian ?"
I'm doing Real good, dad.
So, how...You're In school, right ?
Yeah, yeah I'm in school.
Well, i hope That's going well.
I've gotta move on, How are you doing, pat ?
Do you start to Say something
In the middle of What you're saying,
You decide to say Something else, completely ?
Like, half the words Are out there and then
The back of your head gets Involved, you know ?
Back of your head starts, "Hey, say this instead !"
"Yeah, but I'm the middle--"
"I don't care, Switch it up !"
These people were Leaving the other day,
And i started to say, "Take care !"
You know... Which Would've been fine,
Until i wanted say, Good luck.
"Say, good luck !"
"Say good luck, Instead !"
See you later, brian !
Take... Luck !
Take luck and care... Take... Care of the luck.
Good luck taking care of... The luck that you might have.
If you have luck, Take it and care for it !
Good luck taking care of The luck you might have some.
You're sure to See them again.
Hey, how did you Know that guy ?
I don't really know Him that well.
Hey taking care of it !
I thought you said You knew him.
Ah, i just know him A little bit.
Taking-ughn-care !
Or sometimes... Sometimes You say the right thing
But you say it At the wrong time.
And feel like an idiot.
Something like, "You too !"
Right.
I was getting out of A cab at the airport
And the driver goes, "Hey have a nice flight !"
You too !
You too, have a Nice flight too !
In case you Ever fly someday.
Don't everyone look at me, I'm a moron.
Don't know when to say The "you too" phrase.
I never learn, You know.
A waitress will bring My meal, "enjoy your meal."
You too !
Oh, you don't Have one, do you ?
I'm a dufus !
I don't know, You know ?
I'm always putting My foot in my mouth.
I met this woman, recently,
And i could've sworn She was pregnant.
Let me tell you.
I think the rule is...
Don't guess at that, ever, ever, Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.
Yeah.
So, i said, "Hey, when's that baby due ?"
You ever feel a word coming up But it's too late to stop it ?
It's gonna Come up and loud !
Hey, when's that Baby due ?!
Baby !
What baby ?
( Shuddering )
At the zoo, the pandas !
I knew they were Trying to have one,
I just thought we'd...
Talk about them right now For no reason.
Do you have a...
...A place where I can sit
Where not everybody In the office sees me,
Where i can just be alone Before i go in there,
Kinda like a... In game show ?
You can go In there.
Go in where ?
In the broom closet.
Is it-- i'm just gonna Go in the broom closet ?
Um-hmm.
I just have this thing I don't want everyone to see--
Okay.
Is there a light ?
No.
Who's coat is this ?
Is this the doctor's coat ?
Yes, that's Dr. Katz's coat.
It's warm.
Is there anybody else Out there
Since i went in here ?
No.
Hey, it's uh... It's locked.
Woops.
That's... Funny.
Kind of.
Hey, laura...
( Man ) Is that dr. Katz ?
David ?
Yeah.
I hear you, but i--
Laura, what did You do to david ?
I didn't do it !
Well, i'm in the Broom closet today
'Cause i just felt like,
I wanted to Shake things up.
Well.
I wanted to do Something ballsy.
You can be ballsy In the waiting room
Like everybody else.
( David ) No, i wanna have My session from in here.
Well, david, This is really--
I'm just Taking control.
You've taken control Of the broom closet so far.
Are you dead set Against this ?
No-no, i'm not Even convinced
It's such a Bad idea, just--
Hey, is this... Is this gum,
In your jacket ?
Yeah, you can help yourself If you want, it's uh...
bubbaliscious.
It is, isn't it ?
Uh.
Try not to Touch my retainer.
( Giggle )
Being in here reminds me Of a... Of a very--
Laura !
Hey, ben, What's happening ?
Hi, dad.
Hi, ben.
Laura !
How you doing ?
Fine.
* Da, da, da
What's up ?
What are we doing ?
Ben, in addition To me and laura,
There's also a patient in the Broom closet, special treat.
Right !
Sure there is.
No, there really is.
Yeah, there's always a Patient in the broom closet !
No !
Hey buddy, get Outta the closet !
You crazy !
Come on, Out ! Out ! Out !
David...
Maybe we should try A different angle.
When you Say my name,
It worries me a little bit, When you say it like that.
I get the feeling when You come in here each week...
Uh-huh.
You're like a Kid showing up
Who hasn't really Done his homework...
And i think That's an issue.
Well.
Because i feel like you're Trying to cover... For yourself,
You're making up problems,
But you're not allowing Real feelings to surface,
Because it's one thing To be happy on paper,
But it's another thing to get In touch with those feelings,
And that's why You're here, i'm guessing.
Um-hmm.
So, let me put you in touch With those feelings.
You have a pencil ?
You're gonna give me My homework assignment ?
I'm gonna give You a home number.
Ha, ha, ha !
Oh, no, Not you too !
Yeah, me too.
What ? Me too ?
You and your father are Drinking too much coffee.
Yup, the bean.
Yes, i know.
Beanie, Bean, bean, bean,
Mr. Beans.
Man, it's Good stuff, though.
Hmm.
You know up until This point,
I was strictly Herbal tea,
Chamomile, rose hip, ginkgo--
Sometimes, occasionally, An "earl grey".
Hmm.
But now, i realize what i've Been depriving myself of.
I had 4 cups of Coffee this morning.
I tell you, it's like I am doing something...
With my life.
Right.
You know, like, I feel like--
Oh my god, I'm exhausted !
( Takes deep breath ) Man, it just hit me.
Uh-huh.
I mean, the Highs are high...
But the lows Are really low.
Some people come here Because they like the privacy.
They like to know That for an hour
They're not gonna Get any phone calls.
I don't like you Talking about other people.
I don't like you Talking about Other therapists.
Ha, ha !
You asked me, if i'd ever Been to therapy before,
And i told you i'd Been with a woman.
And i don't know how That would be threatening.
The fact that She's a woman
Is not the part That's threatening.
What'd she look like ?
You know what She did for me ?
She took my side On everything.
Yeah.
Well, i can do that !
You know what You're like, honestly ?
What ?
I think i Figured you out.
Great.
'Cause i think I put it all together,
In one nice, neat, Little package
And so i'm just gonna Blurt it out.
You are like...
Man, i had it A second ago.
( Deep sigh )
Dammit.
It was just on the tip Of my little, fat tongue.
I can't tell you How interesting this is.
You know what You're like, laura ?
What ?
You're like a Big ole'...
Ball of bitch.
( Giggle )
That's the only one I can think of.
What else do i have Written down here ? "Milk, milk, lemonade,
Around the corner Fudge is made."
Hmm.
I've been taking notes About you, about other things.
I've just been Taking notes.
( Grinding )
Ben, what is that... ?
Ben ! Yeah ?
What is that sound ?
What sound ?
I had a dream that You were grinding beans.
Oh, i'm grinding beans.
Oh, my god, All my dreams Are coming true.
All of them ?
Well, starting with This one.
Hey, what do you... You get some-- ?
Hey, you're looking good.
Ha, ha, ha !
Oh, thanks !
Dad !
I've never seen you Grind before.
Um, well, i mean...
Dad !
Ha, ha, ha !
I gotta be honest...
That one, uh... Hit me hard !
I don't know What to say.
No, ben.
You got Fresh beans ?
I bought, uh...
I went to "The bean tree", and i...
I talked to the guy For-- it seemed like A couple of hours.
He can hold up your end Of the conversation.
Making a good Cup of coffee, dad,
Is like building A great house.
Yes !
You start with A foundation.
Yes !
And then you Get some... Wood--
Uh-huh.
And one of those things That makes sure Everything is level.
What are Those called ?
Level.
And then you Build up,
Top it off With a roof,
And then you put a paint Job on that ( bleep )
Then you move in.
And then you Get divorced,
Ugly settlements--
I get custody Of the kid--
Lets get Off coffee.
...And people Refer to food
Differently in different Parts of the country
I've come to find out.
I grew up In miami.
And i went to College in ohio,
My roommate, my freshmen Year was from new jersey
And our first night In the dorm he says,
"Hey, uh... You wanna Go halves on a pie ?"
And i found later He meant pizza
But i never heard That put like that.
I thought the guy Wanted get a pie.
I'm, like, "Well, i don't know.
You wanna get a pie ?"
He was all excited...
"Yeah, i figured we'd Go halves on a pie !
And celebrate And get a pie !"
"Well, i hadn't really Thought about that.
What are you "Little jack horner" ?
This guy wanted To get a pie,
So i wanna be Open-minded, you know.
It's my first day In college,
I'm like, "Yeah, okay...
Let's get a pie !"
I like the "ihop" too, The international house Of pancakes.
I just don't know Who designed the roof.
I don't know who okayed The blueprints for that,
But it's a bit much, You know.
It's like a cathedral--
* Aaaahhhh...
* Paaaaaancakes
And ain't it weird when An "ihop" goes out of business,
And another business Tries to go in there ?
Yeah, i guess.
There's no way they can Take them seriously.
Oh, tax preparation, huh ?
Listen, uhh...
Is there any way i can get a Rooty-tooty fresh 'n fruity ?
Like he doesn't hear That all day long.
Ohhhh, Pancake joke !
Yeahh !
We don't Hear those !
Well, i didn't know--
Well, we know, okay ?
We know What it was.
Hey, johnny, More pancakes, jokes !
Ha, ha, ha !
( Beep )
( Dr. Katz ) Hey, laura !
Yeah ?
I was thinking,
How i could really go for Something hot...
Like a bowl Of oatmeal ?
And black.
Some tar ?
No, i'm thinking more Along the lines of
A nice, hot Cup of coffee.
Are you interested ?
In what ?
In heading out--
Dr. Katz, i don't Make "coffee runs".
I'm not asking you as an Employer to an employee.
No ?
This is just between You and me, laura,
Just two regular people.
Okay, one Regular person...
And you !
Work that charm On me, dr. Katz.
Yeah.
Why would I do that ?
Well, because i Think that you and i--
And correct me If i'm wrong--
Are like two peas...
Don't say "pod".
No, i was Gonna say,
"We're just like two peas."
Oh...
Yeah, we are, Kind of.
Yeah.
You know, i've really Got this, uh... Awful...
Oh, god !
Dad !
I think the acidity... From all the coffee
Is slowly eating away At the walls of your stomach.
There it goes again.
You are going overboard With your coffee consumption.
Ugh, man.
You know, the contractions Are coming closer and closer.
Okay, just breathe.
You know what i'm Gonna do though, dad ?
What's that ?
I'm gonna go To the bathroom.
Uh-huh.
And i'll see you tonight.
How do you drink All that coffee
And not get sick ?
Oh ! I'm sick as a dog.
I just...
You must've been sick For a long time !
I haven't felt good In about 18 years.
I just uh... Have different Expectations of how i feel.
Dad, if i feel This way this morning,
The coffee cannot Be good for you.
Well, you have to Mix the coffee--
'Cause i've got a pain, Like, right here.
You see where I'm pointing ?
Yeah, that's my body !
Oh, right, besides that,
I actually have A pain here too.
Oh, i see What you mean,
Well that is the Coffee eating away
At the lining of your Small intestine.
Oh, dad...
And i say that Affectionately,
I know, You love it, Don't you ?
That's my little boy's Little intestine !
You love my Little one, don't you ?
You like impressions ?
This is your Little intestine !
"Daddy !"
Ha, ha, ha !
I am "wacked" Out of my head !
What kind of Coffee is this ?
That's the good stuff.
I think that's "Jumatra blend".
Yeah, well, let's Never do that again.
Tomorrow morning.
So, are you Sleeping better ?
Better than ?
Me.
Ha, ha, ha !
I'm sorry, david, I'm kidding.
But uh...
Last time You were here
We were talking About your dreams...
Am i right ?
I tend to remember my dreams When i don't sleep well.
Well, we tend to do Those things in our dreams
That we're afraid to do When we're awake.
And we're happiest
When our lives and Our dreams coincide.
I used to believe the Kinda thing that you're saying.
You mean The truth ?
I'm not sure That i believe
That dreams are Working out life.
Sometimes i think that Dreams are the true reality.
And life is the, uh...
"Similacrum".
It certainly is.
Life is the reflection Of the real reality, which is
When you're dreaming.
Ah, yes.
Yes.
I hate when my car Breaks down, you know ?
You gotta call A tow-truck company,
And i learned Something recently.
When you call A tow truck company,
You are never calling from A position of strength,
And you'd better know that When you decide on
The tone of The phone call.
You don't call up, Al's towing saying,
"Al, no ? Put him on...
"Al, you don't know me,
"But here's what I'm gonna do for you.
"I'm busted down out here In the middle of nowhere,
"I gonna let you Drop everything you're doing,
"Come down here right now, Hook me up,
"Take me to a mechanic Of my choice,
"I'm giving you $25, Take it or leave it.
"Okay, how about, you come Whenever you feel like it,
"Stop, take your time,
"Take me wherever you want,
"And charge me whatever You can think of
"And i owe you An apology.
"Okay, i'm sorry al.
"You're right.
"No, you're right And i'm wrong.
"There's nothing else That can be said except
"You're right And i'm wrong.
I'm sorry."
We used to go out to the yard And look at ant piles.
I could look at an ant pile For... Not too long.
Then you get a little bored And go, "rebuild".
It's like a power thing,
Makes you feel a little better About yourself.
So, you have a nice little Civilization there, huh ?!
I don't think so.
That seems So aggressive.
And you know What's amazing ?
When you knock over An ant pile,
They all starting Rebuilding it that second.
( Squeeky ant chatter )
You'd think there'd Just be a minute,
Where they will all go, "Ohhh man !
"I don't believe it !
Look at this !"
Even if most of them Started working,
There'd be a couple Hanging off to the side going,
"I ain't Doing that again !
"He's standing Right there
"He's gonna knock It over again.
"What do you think, we're all Stupid little ants ?!
"Think we're all Stupid little fire ants ?!"
( Music starts ) Wooops--
You know what The music means.
We're gonna Have to stop now.
Oh, okay.
Our time is up.
I was just--
Up !
That's the... Way it works.
Okay... I-i-i...
I don't Make rules
But i try to Live by them.
That's what The music means.
I didn't know If i could--
No, not really.
This is just Really important--
We can pick up...
Next time where We left off today...
Yeah, i understand.
Because of the music And everything... Uh-hmm.
And the meaning of it.
I just have these--
I understand !
Okay... But if i--
No, you see !
Right, right, right.